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              放養”的關鍵是科學—“放養”孩子的3個原則

              作者:admin
              發布時間 2016年-04月-11日
              來源: 新啟航教育
              點擊:
              “放養”一度是種很火的教養方式。一般對這種方式的解釋均是:讓孩子回歸到更自然的成長環境中,給予孩子盡可能的自由,將選擇權交給孩子,減少來自成人等外部世界的管束、
                  “放養”一度是種很火的教養方式。一般對這種方式的解釋均是:讓孩子回歸到更自然的成長環境中,給予孩子盡可能的自由,將選擇權交給孩子,減少來自成人等外部世界的管束、催逼。
              看起來,的確很美好。 但是近來,對這一教養方式卻陸陸續續開始出現了批評之聲。于是,在“放”與“不放”、“管”與“不管”、“自由與規矩”之間,父母們困惑了。
              當初,為什么會迫不及待地選擇“放養”?
                  “放養”這一概念剛出來的時候,很是流行。尤其是很多高知父母,對這一育兒方法趨之若鶩。
              究其原因,年輕父母們是對自己親身經歷過的灌輸式教育,有太多的不滿與抵觸情緒,甚至或多或少對社會和體制懷抱了一份怨念。作為“獨一代”,他們曾經歷過太多的嚴厲管教與催逼,承受了太多考試與升學的壓力,失去了太多的自由和自我,最后又體驗了太多進入社會以后的迷茫和失落。
              既然有著這樣的負面印象,做了父母后,“放養”概念乍一進入視野后,就很容易引起了他們的共鳴和追捧。
                  現在,我們為什么會對“放養”產生疑慮?
               
                  原本“放養”概念被提出之時,的確是有益孩子健康發展的。然而,由于理解上的誤差,在實際教養中,卻悄悄地走樣了。很多孩子被養成了缺乏規則、無法無天的小霸王,或者成為散漫、缺乏好習慣、對現實環境適應困難的孩子。于是關于“放與不放”、“管與不管”、“自由與規矩”的爭論就開始了。細看那些踐行“放養”卻最后走樣的父母,大致分為兩類:
                  第一類父母,基本上是帶著情緒從一種極端的教育方式底下出走,又懷著沖動走入另外一種極端的教育方式的。原來他們是被管的太多,最終失去了自我;現在他們的孩子,是被管的太少,而使得孩子的自我一直處于游離狀態。這些父母大多把“放養”理解成為了“放羊”。給孩子足夠的自由,自己做甩手掌柜,完全未實現父母應該起到的引導、支持孩子成長的功能。
              像野草一樣長大的孩子固然是自由的,但卻過了頭。就像一棵植物一樣,因為未經過必要的修剪,他們大多失去了本該成為棟梁的機會。
                  第二類父母,倒是喜歡琢磨的一類人。她們還會在網上看很多育兒知識,或者買買相應的育兒書讀。
              只是因為這些東東西西過于零散的知識,往往難以形成科學、完整的體系,父母在學習、理解、消化、及至執行的過程中,很容易一知半解。譬如知道要“接納”孩子,于是當孩子開始揮舞拳頭往大人身上錘的時候,也仍然予以“笑納”;或者孩子有任何需求,都無條件滿足,包括物質需求等等。
              這會很容易慣壞孩子。因為沒有體驗過必要的拒絕、延遲滿足訓練、對規則的適應等,一旦這些孩子走上社會,就會感覺到舉步維艱。其實“放養”并沒錯。關鍵是要科學“放養”,即把握好“放與不放”、“管與不管”、“規則與自由”之間的度。
               
              下面是我對科學放養給出的幾點建議,供父母們參考:
              1、可以放開手,讓孩子們去玩,但是父母必須要負責為孩子提供更科學、合理的玩的素材。
              譬如對于孩子的跑、跳、爬、瞎折騰等,都不過多限制,提供給孩子廣闊的玩的空間,但是若玩中能針對孩子的內在發展需求,給予合適的引導和刺激,就會讓孩子在玩中吸收到更多營養,如促進認知、學會協作、體驗到美育和心靈滋養等等。
              很多早教課程的功能與意義即是如此。
              這樣科學玩大的孩子,無疑要比那種缺乏大人陪伴與引導、獨自瘋玩的孩子,發展得更充分,也更容易適應接下來的各種學習任務和挑戰。
               
              2、可以不管原本屬于孩子自己的事情,譬如吃飯、穿衣服、學習成績高低、選擇什么作為自己的興趣愛好等,就讓孩子按照自己的意志去體驗,去做選擇,并獨自承擔自己選擇的結果。
              但是,有一點,父母必須要用心為孩子提供做選擇的機會和范圍。
              比如,不強迫孩子上興趣班,也不強制孩子必須不能放棄某個特定的興趣班,但是你卻最好能夠提供給孩子接觸這些興趣班、探索這些興趣的機會。
              假如根本不曾接觸過,那么連選擇的權力都不曾得到,其實并不是自由,而是貧乏和局限,這會極大限制孩子們的發展可能。
               
              3、可以無條件接納孩子的情緒、情感,給他們表達的自由,但是必須要對他們的行為設立規矩。
              前文提到一些父母過于無條件“接納”孩子,以至于對孩子的不當行為也照單全收。這是絕對錯誤的。
              孩子必須要社會化,需要學會必要的行為規范,養成一套好的生活與學習習慣,因為在他們長大后,還有很多重要的課題要面對。
              也許你會說,我的孩子將來要出國,國外自由。那么你可知道,國外中產階級家庭的孩子,他們其實有著更為系統的、有規劃的、充滿規則的成長環境?
              無論將來做什么,我們必須要幫孩子習得適應現實環境的能力。要讓孩子明白,有規矩的游戲才更好玩,有規矩的人才更自由。
              既要給孩子玩的自由,又不能讓孩子的探索淪為浪擲光陰的傻玩;
              既要允許孩子“自己的事情自己做主”,鼓勵孩子自己做選擇,又要為孩子提供一個豐富的、可靠的選項;既要在孩子哭鬧、情緒失控的時候給以理解、包容,又能夠從孩子的情緒中跳出來,給以孩子必要的引導,教會孩子紓解情緒的方法,以及正確的行為處事之道。
                  總之,“放養”無罪,關鍵是要科學理解和踐行這種教養方式。
              父母需要學習把握其中的度,讓孩子能夠在現實的學業與生存壓力下,仍然保持一顆自由的、富有能量且篤定的心靈,而不是飄搖、缺乏目標感、散漫,像浮萍一樣活得隨意又盲目。
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